I was reading a book this past week that talked about friendship. It was titled “Unified” by Senator Tim Scott and Congressman Trey Gowdy both from South Carolina. They wrote this book about their uncommon relationship that has developed into an incredibly strong friendship. Like all friendships they found things in common that bonded them together – things such as the South Carolina Gamecocks and the Dallas Cowboys. Now normally I do not condone the reprehensible decision of succumbing to the pressure of becoming a Cowboys fan (almost kidding!) but they had a genuine faith in God which helped them come through the differences in their lives: challenges in differences around race, economic circumstances, worldview, and employment experiences just to name a few. But there was a dedication to each other that proved remarkable. The mutual admiration that resulted got me thinking about three principles of friendship that should be considered as we proceed with relationships in our lives.

These three principles of relationships are commitment, the greater good, and God honoring. Now it is clear that each of us has different levels and varieties of relationships in our life, and it is obvious that we cannot have the same expectations for each of our relationships. However, these principles should be adhered to. And when they are the quality and intimacy of the relationship will prove itself out. One Biblical account continued to come to my mind as I read through this book – the relationship between David and Jonathan.

Now David and Jonathan had a few things going against their friendship as well. Jonathan was the king’s son; David was a humble shepherd boy. Jonathan was trained in the skill of warfare, and David learned his warrior training while protecting the sheep. They also had the little issue later in their relationship; Jonathan’s dad, King Saul, wanted to kill David! That tends to put some pressure on a friendship! Yet David and Jonathan not only pledged on-going friendship; they lived this out to the end.

First commitment. They remained true to one another despite death schemes from Saul and the realization that God had David anointed as the next king of Israel. Saul was moved to jealousy of David. Jonathan was moved to love for and friendship of David. You can read more about this in II Samuel 18-20. This commitment to each other required a great deal of work. Each of our relationships also require attention and work to continue. This commitment does not just happen. It is a choice that is made over and over again. I choose to be your friend.

Second is the greater good. Solid friendships are when two people are better together than they are apart. They balance each other out bringing a different perspective to the relationship that is appreciated. You also are so committed to the “good” of the other person that you say the things that are hard to say. Comments that others cannot get away with saying because you have a depth of history and trust that far outweighs ego wounds. Proverbs 27:6 says, “Faithful are the wounds of a friend; profuse are the kisses of an enemy.” Those that don’t really care about you will laud praise and compliments on you, but those who genuinely care about your best interests will tell you what you need to hear. The greater good comes into play because together you are involved in something that is bigger than yourself. You realize that together you can accomplish things that you could not have realized if you were not in this together. You also are more excited for your friend’s success than you are of your own. You are genuinely happy when your friend receives praise and recognition. You do not have any self seeking thoughts or concerns. Have you noticed that these friendship principles are most important in the marriage relationship?

And third is God honoring. Does this relationship challenge you to be closer to God or tend to draw you away from God? When you are together, are you more inclined to do the right thing rather than the popular thing? David honored his commitment to Jonathan and to God when he promised Jonathan that he would take care of his family after Jonathan died. In II Samuel 9 we read that David had Jonathan’s sole surviving relative, his crippled son Mephibosheth, sit at his personal table the rest of his life. David honored God with his life, the commitment of and challenges from Jonathan helped him do that. We have enough in this world that tempts us to rebel against God. Our closest relationships should not be one of those.

So do you work through the challenges that are inevitable in your friendships? Are you and your friend better together than you are apart? And does this togetherness have a role of service to the greater good? Finally does this friendship move you closer to the Lord? Again, we have many different types of relationships and not all of them can have this depth of intimacy, but your closest friendships should have these elements as foundational in their makeup. We were meant to be in relationship with one another. We need to serve one another, not look for what this relationship does for me. It is critical that we choose our friends wisely understanding that through this relationship God seeks to refine us and do His work in our life! So how do you do friendship? Seek the path that honors God in these relationships.