A Bully in the Church

There is a powerful sin that happens within the church that I dare say has largely gone unaddressed to its own detriment and damage.  This is the sin of bullying.  One of the main qualifications for being a spiritual leader is that you cannot be “pugnacious” or “domineering” over believers:

• not a drunkard, not violent but gentle, not quarrelsome, not a lover of money. (1Tim. 3:3)
• He must not be arrogant or quick-tempered or a drunkard or violent or greedy for gain (Tit 1:7)
• not domineering over those in your charge but being examples to the flock (1Pet 5:3)

I am bringing this up because I just read an article (really an expose’) on a formerly popular pastor who lost his fame because of bullying and is at it again.  The article I read makes the case that he is being severely controlling and verbally abusive, making his volunteers sign non-compete contracts, putting people in cyber-watchlists over who can and cannot come on the property, kicking people out of the church for personal reasons, just to name a few of the issues. 

These are the exact same bullying-sins that ended his first mega-pastorate, and here they yet again threaten his smaller pastorate.  Hey, nobody’s perfect, right?  I get that, however, there is a real reason the New Testament lists very specific qualifications for being a spiritual leader.  Bottomline, being a spiritual leader incites unique temptations.  Namely, the sin of pride and overpowering.  Basically being a bully who preys on people who by their position in the church are vulnerable under a leader’s influence.

Third John is a letter often overlooked in terms of importance, when compared to other New Testament books like Romans or Ephesians.  You might usually go elsewhere before thumbing over to this single chapter book toward the end of your Bible.  I would argue that even though 3 John is small, it delivers a powerful punch to the gut if you take the time to see what is there.

In the small span of fifteen verses, the now-aged apostle John addresses two issues the church needed to hear.  This group of churches that John probably planted were spread out throughout the region of Asia Minor and were like many churches today, underneath a bully.  John addressed first how the church should take care of its missionaries, and second how the church needs to deal with a bully.  A bully named Diotrephes.  Can I just say, growing up I was the small kid who was truly a late bloomer.  So, I had my fair share of being bullied.  So, I am not very sympathetic to a bully.                

One clear application from this letter is, “Don’t be Diotrephes!”  So, what was wrong with Diotrephes?  First, he “…likes to put himself first” (v. 9).  Second, he “…does not acknowledge…authority” (v. 9).  Third, he is divisive, “…talking wicked nonsense” (v. 10) about other leaders like John.  Fourth, he “…refuses to welcome the brothers” (v. 10) who are the missionaries.  Fifth, he “…stops those who want to welcome the brothers” – church members who love missionaries.  Sixth, he “…[puts] those who want to [welcome the missionaries]…out of the church” (v. 10).

Bottom line, Diotrephes was a very evil person and John makes this obvious.  In plain language, what makes Diotrephes so bad?  Number one, he is self-absorbed.  In Gospel ministry, this is an absolute “no no.”  Satan himself, a chief angel, not content to serve God as his Creator, wanted to assume the role of “first place.”  This temptation to pride is the exact temptation that creeps into someone who is put in leadership too soon.  It’s the temptation of a “novice” where someone is made a pastor or elder before being ready. 

He must not be a recent convert, or he may become puffed up with conceit and fall into the condemnation of the devil. (1Tim 3:6)

Do not be hasty in the laying on of hands, nor take part in the sins of others; keep yourself pure. (1Tim 5:22)

One weakness leads to another.  Diotrephes is further described as not submitting to John’s apostolic authority which for today is the same as not submitting to God’s Word.  Scripture was foundationally written by the prophets and apostles, so when John, who was the last remaining apostle, died, what was left was the Bible.  So, practically speaking when a spiritual leader is all about himself and will not yield to God’s Word, this makes for a very bad recipe in the church.  Diotrephes was divisive by making up and telling lies about John to undermine his authority as their pastor.  Diotrephes was not doubt threatened by John’s leadership and so his path to secure and keep power was to undermine John’s reputation.  This is a common bully-tactic.

Diotrephes actively stepped on the air hose of missions within his church putting a stop to any fellowship people wanted to have with the missionaries.  He then stopped anyone who would not stop fellowshipping with the missionaries outside of the church.  This sounds so dramatic, but this kind of controlling behavior still happens today!  Everything going wrong in Diotrephes’ character was what ended up blocking the entire ministry of these churches throughout Asia Minor.

You say, “Are people really like this today in the church?”  Actually, yes!  One thing leads to another.  Think about it.  You are not supposed to be a spiritual leader in the first place, which make you insecure, which incites pride and necessitates self-protection.  This leads to actively ignoring and ultimately defying Scripture’s clear accountability which leads to actively undermining anyone who would dare try and hold you accountable.  The accountability might come from spiritual leaders, missionaries, or friends within your church, but it will not matter.  Finally, you will take measures to enforce a strategy to excommunicate or kick out anyone who sides against you and your agenda for power.

So, what is someone supposes to do if they are in a situation where you have a bully in your church?  Do what John promised he would do.  Bring it up and do so publicly!  John commits himself to this because this is what it will take to undo this kind of damage.

So if I come, I will bring up what he is doing, talking wicked nonsense against us. And not content with that, he refuses to welcome the brothers, and also stops those who want to and puts them out of the church. (3 John 1:10)

The church needs bold and discerning people to confront bullies in the church.  Why?  For the health of the church and for the good of the mission.  The church is a life-saving station where people who need Jesus should be able to come to find him.  You know that when the church is bullied, its mission is totally stifled.  When a controlling leader sucks the life out of the church, people neither come nor stay.  When the church is functioning in health, people will not only come, but they also never leave.